wow, it's been a while since I sat down and typed a real post. I have been having a hard time staying focused enough to do it. I having been really struggling with staying focused on anything lately. I have a ton to do on my house but there is so much that I get overwhelmed and don't know where to start so I avoid it all. That's terrible, I know but that's how I always get when I have a lot to do. I avoid it because it overwhelms me. I am having trouble focusing on my work at work, my work at home and just a simple task like sitting down and typing a post. I had to force myself to do this. It's weird and I hate this about myself. When things get overwhelming, I avoid it. Does anyone have any advice on how I can work on changing this??
Our weekend was pretty good. Saturday, Daws and I went to the Dollar Tree so he could spend his Valentine money that my mom sent to him and then we went to Kroger and did our grocery shopping. I haven't taken Daws grocery shopping with me in probably 2 or 3 years!!! I always went when Shawn was home so I would leave Daws with him. But, now that Shawn works from 8:30 am to 7:00 pm every Saturday, I have Daws all by myself a lot more now. Anywho, we went grocery shopping and Daws was a huge help! He steered the cart for me the whole time and was very good at it. I got to just run around and get the things I needed and throw them in the cart. Then afterwards, he helped me put all the bags in the trunk and then he asked me what he should do with the empty cart and I explained that we are supposed to put them in the little cart areas so it's easier on the guys who have to bring them back in the store. So, I told him to go and put it in the cart area that was near us and he asked "How do I do it??" So, I told him to just take it over there and slam it into the other carts and it will go into them..........ha ha He loved this!!! Boys love it when they get to crash or slam anything so he really enjoyed that!!! It was a good trip to the grocery.
On Sunday, Shawn, Daws and I went to Shawn's parents house to visit for a while and then we went to see a cheap movie in Hamilton. I had mentioned to Shawn early that week that we never do anything fun together anymore. I know it's because he wasn't working and we didn't have the money to do much but I just felt like we needed to start doing fun stuff together again. So, we chose a movie and went to see it. We saw Jumper. It was pretty interesting. Before the movie though, we went to Kroger and bought a bunch of candy and I shoved it all in my giant purse. I had also put 3 cans of soda in my purse as well!!! ha ha I HATE paying the outrageous prices for concession at the theatre!!!! The only thing we bought was some popcorn. It was yummy too. During the movie, Daws says "Mom, do you have a napkin??? My tooth just came out!!!" ha ha He thought he had popcorn in his tooth and when he went to pull it out, he realized it was his tooth!!! I don't think it was quite ready to come out because it bled a lot!!! Then about 20 mins later, Daws says "Mom, can I have some more napkins.......my nose is bleeding!" Poor boy got a nose bleed and lost a tooth all during the movie!!! ha ha He says that theater is bad luck! ha
Just curious......does anyone else fill their purses with candy and soda when they go to the movies???? Come on, fess up, I can't be the only one!
Oh yeah, Cam got his hair all cut off. I haven't seen it yet. He went to Great Clips and since he donated his hair to locks of love, his haircut was free! He says that everyone keeps telling him he looks like Hanson!!!! ha ha I told him that Hanson is cute so that's not bad and he said, "Mom, I'm 18!!" ha ha Poor kid!
A couple of you asked me how Daws is doing in school. This is a very sore subject for me. He's still having some issues and the part that bothers me and Shawn so much is the fact that his issue is not that he doesn't understand what he's supposed to do, its that he is not following directions, finishing all of a worksheet and rushing thru everything. This boy has always done sooo well in school and now all of the sudden he's not doing well. I met with his teacher and felt better about things. She knows that I am concerned and I want to know when he's having issues so yesterday when I walked over to pick him up from school, his teacher asked me to stick around a few minutes because she needed to talk to me!!!! UGH! My heart sunk into my stomach! She proceeded to show me three worksheets that Dawson did poorly on and it was all because he did not follow the directions. The teacher explained to the students that their answers should be in complete sentences and it said right on the worksheet that he needed to answer in complete sentences and all he did was write the answer by itself! What's sooo frustrating to me is that so far, most of this work is work that Daws knows how to do because he's done it before or he and I have done it together before so I know it's not a lack of knowledge. He is not trying his best anymore for some reason. He still does great on his spelling and vocab tests but does horribly on his seatwork! I have even been making him redo any papers that come home sloppy or unfinished or done incorrectly. I told him that he needed to take his time and do his best the first time or he will be redoing it at home during his free time. Yesterday, I made him redo the three worksheets that the teacher showed me and I told him that I am going to meet with her again in a week and if there is no progress made, he will not be watching t.v. or playing video games on school nights until he does better. I don't know what else to do. Any suggestions??? Shawn and I both explained to Daws that if he genuinely had problems understanding his work and needed extra help, we would get that for him but that is just not the case. He is being careless and not following directions. I am sick about all of this.....it hurts my heart deeply!
I guess that's all that's really been going on with me lately. I'm glad I was able to stay focused long enough to type it all! ha LATER GATORS!
12 comments:
That is the first time you have posted a ,long post and not mentioned me once...I want a do over.... just kidding.
Gosh I hate that Daws is still doing poorly. You probably already know my approach butit is commando parenting like Dr. Phil says.
I would ask him to stay in the living room while I did something upstairs. I would strip his room of everything but his clothes and bedding. I would tell him that you guys have given him so many chances and he is unwilling to do his work so you are unwilling to give him extras. Explain to him that when he starts doing his most important job of doing well in school he can earn back his extras like his tv, his tivo, his DS, his xbox, one at a time.
Not only will it work because Daws lives for that stuff, he will remember it forever!! He will be telling his kids that when he refused to do his best in school his parents stripped his room. you will be helping your grandchildren too.
I think messages sent to our children should be very clear...no mixed messages. Both positive and negative messages should be crystal clear (pun intended). He should know that you love him no matter what but he should also know that you mean business and you are about to show him.
If you and he were in a grocery store on your way to a playdate that he was going to love and he stole a candy bar and you saw him. You would take the candy bar back and then ground him from the playdate too.
If he is sitting home everyday playing his fav game after getting a major tongue lashing, he is being told that him doing bad in school just deserves a tongue lashing. he might decide that that is worth it. Losing his game won't be and you know that about him.
He is a child who needs wake up calls so give him one. Love him through it all and make sure he hears that a lot while he sits with nothing in his room.
I wouldn't take things one at a time away, he is past that. You guys have tried and tried to get through to him. Strip him and tell him to earn it all back.
I don't agree with the comment that we have tried and tried, he's only been at his new school for 3 weeks. He never had these problems before now. I have given a few chances thinking he needed time to adjust to the move, new school, no friends, and new teacher. I now feel it's time to get more harsh only after a week of making him redo his papers and not letting him get away with them. If that doesn't work, then I will take his t.v and video game priveleges away during school nights. I am hoping that my no tolerance for the worksheets that come home and making him redo them (he hates that) will do the trick. I don't think this particular issue is one that calls for stripping his room. It's been 3 flippin weeks!
Oh and I am not afraid to something drastic, because I am the parent who canceled Christmas when Cam stole a candy bar from the store when he was 5. Santa didn't come that night. I just don't think this issue needs something as drastic as stripping his room.....at least not at this point.
Can you comment on the other things I posted about too!?SM
We ALWAYS stuff my purse full of candy and pop when we go to the movies! We usually hit the dollar store right before the movie! I always get nervous thinking the workers are going to search my purse!!!
I am sorry you are having problems w/Daws and his school work still. I will pray things turn around for him.
Post pics of Cam's new haircut when you see him!
WOW, Sonya that is harsh. i think you should take away what he loves the most until he proves he can do better. so no Tv and video games on the weekdays is a good idea. I'm sure he will know you mean busy and slow down and start trying.
i sometimes take candy or something for Ryan to the movie, i always take his milk.
You have tried and tried absolutely!! Do you think Sammy would get 6-12 times of me asking him to do better?? I mean hey, it is not like he doesn't understand. I would be totally on his side if it were.
I love him as much as an aunt can love her nephew. He is my little baby but i know that he is just being lazy and refusing to do his work. You said that yourself.
How many worksheets has it been? I know of at least 5, are there more? So, at least 5 times, in 3 weeks, you have had a discussion with him telling him that not finishing his worksheets is not an option. You have given him lots of other ways to deal with it (like telling his teacher etc.) and he continued to do it. That to me is trying and trying. I think it is more like 10 sheets.
I think Dawson has crazy potential!! I think he is gorgeous, popular, smart and athletic and he has a heck of a future. i wish the very best for him but I also know that he can be so stubborn to get your attention.
I have no problem with everyone thinking I am harsh because I plan on loving my kids as hard as correcting them. The crazy thing is, Cheryl, who said I was harm, gave the exact same advice as me, minus making a ta doo about it by telling him to wait downstairs while you removed his tv, video games, ds, and zune. She wants you to take the playing or watching away but still let them sit there infront of him. How can I be harsh with removing them and then letting him earn them back? One tiny difference and I am harsh? I wouldn't wait long with this whatever you decide.
He might hate redoing the sheets but he likes doing them with you at home more than at school. You are giving him attention, even if it is negative. That is better than sitting in a boring clssroom doing them alone.
I will pray for you and this situation.
Crys - I think you are taking the right approach with Dawson. I agree that stripping his room will definately get him to change his work habits QUICKLY!! However, I don't know if I would go that far yet, either, although I do think that is probably a good idea if things continue. The only thing is you don't want it to continue much longer to the point that it may start affecting his yearly grade. I think maybe giving him another chance is a good idea - do like you said take his games and tv away if it happens again. However, after that I would follow Sonya's approach too. Because, like you said - you know it has nothing to do with him not understanding - it has to do with something that is HIS choice, to be lazy and rush through his work. Make it known to him that if he continues to make poor choices like this then it will be his fault that he has no tv or games and after that it will be his choice that his room is stripped.
We bring snacks into movies too! The prices they charge are crazy! We have always done that - even when we were little.
Okay, I'll comment more in a sec - I just got some work I need to finish first.
Glad to see a really nice long post from you again!
Your weekend sounds great - time with family and spending money at the dollar tree is always fun. That's great that Daws helped with the grocery shopping. The movie time sounds - fun? - haha - poor kid!
I sometimes take candy in my pockets and I have taken water before too. I know people that make popcorn and take that with them! Around here though, there are theatres that let you take in snacks - one time we went with some friends and we took baggies of popcorn and water bottles. No one said a word!
Dawson's school - I'm sorry he is having a hard time adjusting. I'm sure he'll get back into the swing of things soon. He was in a routine at his old school and an abrupt change takes time to adjust! If it were my boys - they'd hate having to do their worksheets over, so I think that's a great idea! And taking away the video games should work too. Kids that young will respond well to that stuff - you know that! You've had an 8 year old before! :) I'd save that real dramatic stuff for when he is older and when he has done something VERY wrong - I'm not saying that he ever will, I'm just saying it's unnecessary at that age and for that "crime". :)
Hang in there!!! It'll get better!
I can't wait to see what Cam looks like! Good for him for donating that beautiful hair!!
Wow, that was along post!! I saw from the top post that things went well for Dawson today, hopefully that's turn for the best for him. I'm sure it was very difficult to make the transition to a new school and maybe it just had something to do with that.
I too take snacks into the movie. We went to see a sneak preview of the Veggietales movie back in November or something, and I had stopped at Wal-Mart to get us some candy and it was in my purse. It was so funny because they wanted to search everyone's bag for a camera because usually in these sneak previews they are serious about no cameras and I immediately freaked out thinking I was going to be busted for the snacks and as soon as the lady announced that she was going to search (she was with the veggie tales people, not the movie theater people), she said she wasn't looking to see who brought in snacks, it was so funny!!
first - i never sneak food into movies. my family used to, but i worked as a manager at a theater for awhile, and i know that they don't get ANY profit from the ticket prices. the ONLY money they make is from concession stands. so, yes, the prices are outrageous, but think about the electricity, paying all the workers, etc., and that is their only way of making money.
that said, i don't put up with crappy service or bad presentations of movies. brian and i don't really complain, we just don't ever go back.
as far as dawson's issues at school, as a teacher i see this a lot. i agree that you should take a stand and let him know that you are serious, but the only problem i have with stripping away all privileges is, what then? what if he still doesn't improve? what will you take away?
we see this a lot in high school kids who have gotten so used to losing everything that they just don't care. and, they end up resenting their parents for it. yes, eventually they may end up thanking them, but it seems to cause a lot more stress between high school aged kids and their parents, which is an especially important time for kids to relate to their parents.
my suggestion is to stand firm on making him redo the worksheets, and maybe take away one thing, like video games, or tv, but be sure you fully explain, repeatedly, why you are doing it. that it's because you love him and know he can do better, not because he's been "bad" and you're punishing him.
Kelly, I agree completely with you. I know from experience from my oldest boy who struggled in school. We always took so much away from him and it still did no good and we had nothing left to take away. You are exactly right too when you said that it would just make them not care and resent their parents........that's exactly what happened with Cameron!!!
Alot of my parenting with Dawson is based on my experience with Cameron and I do alot of things differently now because I see where I made my mistakes.
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